CEO: Have a seat.
Senior VP of Diet, Exercise, and General Health: What’s this about?
CEO: We’ve been getting…some complaints.
Senior VP of DE&GH: Seriously?
CEO: Yes. Quite a few actually.
SVP of DE&GH: I don’t understand. (voice rising) I got him on vegetables, lean meats, there’s not even beer in the house. I actually convinced him that raw almonds taste better than soy-wasabi almonds. Do you know how hard that was?! It was basically brainwashing, I’m not sure it was legal.
CEO: Relax, none of the complaints involve the diet. In fact, the guys up in Manliness told me we’re seeing a jawline resurgence that looks like it could reach pre-drinking age levels.
SVP of DE&GH: Damn right it might.
CEO: The complaints are coming from the abs. Abs, legs, and… (checks clipboard) lower back. They’re all related to what’s being called: The Pilates Incident.
SVP of DE&GH: (sighs) Oh. I could see where you got confused, but I had nothing to do with that. Ever since he read an article on how walking can be just as healthy as jogging I’ve been settling for extended dog walks.
CEO: Then who authorized…
(VP of Love, Hope, & Other Troublesome Emotions enters board room)
SVP of LH&OTE: Hey guys, I heard this meeting was about The Pilates Incident.
SVP of LH&OTE: I OK’d the workout. The Wife didn’t want to do Pilates alone.
SVP of LH&OTE: That’s it.
CEO: I’ve got complaints from three department heads!
SVP of LH&OTE: (shrugs) Sorry. As long as it doesn’t kill him, I’m allowed to do pretty much whatever I want. I don’t need approval. Especially if it makes The Wife happy.
CEO: There is a process. You can’t just—
SVP of LH&OTE: Take control of everything, drive 500 miles, buy a diamond ring and clean up your mess?
CEO: (stands, and slams hands on table) When are you going to stop playing the Engagement Card?!
SVP of LH&OTE: (stands and crosses arms) I don’t know. When are you going to apologize to everyone for law school?
CEO: THAT MADE SENSE AT THE TIME! (takes deep breath) And it still might work out…
SVP of LH&OTE: It might. And I hope that it does.
SVP of DE&GH: Can I go…?
CEO: Yes. Both of you. Get out. And no Pilates for at least a week.
SVP of LH&OTE: Of course not. Tonight is a combination of kick-boxing and yoga (winks).
SVP of DE&GH: How do you get him to do these things?!