Tim Inc. Complaint Assessment and Review

CEO:  Have a seat.

Senior VP of Diet, Exercise, and General Health:  What’s this about?

CEO:  We’ve been getting…some complaints.

Senior VP of DE&GH:  Seriously?

CEO:  Yes.  Quite a few actually.

SVP of DE&GH:  I don’t understand. (voice rising) I got him on vegetables, lean meats, there’s not even beer in the house.  I actually convinced him that raw almonds taste better than soy-wasabi almonds.  Do you know how hard that was?!  It was basically brainwashing, I’m not sure it was legal.

CEO:  Relax, none of the complaints involve the diet.  In fact, the guys up in Manliness told me we’re seeing a jawline resurgence that looks like it could reach pre-drinking age levels.  

SVP of DE&GH:  Damn right it might.

CEO: The complaints are coming from the abs.  Abs, legs, and… (checks clipboard) lower back.  They’re all related to what’s being called: The Pilates Incident.

SVP of DE&GH:  (sighs) Oh. I could see where you got confused, but I had nothing to do with that.  Ever since he read an article on how walking can be just as healthy as jogging I’ve been settling for extended dog walks.

CEO: Then who authorized… 

(VP of Love, Hope, & Other Troublesome Emotions enters board room)

SVP of LH&OTE: Hey guys, I heard this meeting was about The Pilates Incident.

CEO: Yes. 

SVP of LH&OTE:  I OK’d the workout.  The Wife didn’t want to do Pilates alone.  

CEO:  And…?

SVP of LH&OTE: That’s it.  

CEO:  I’ve got complaints from three department heads!

SVP of LH&OTE:  (shrugs) Sorry.  As long as it doesn’t kill him, I’m allowed to do pretty much whatever I want.   I don’t need approval.  Especially if it makes The Wife happy.

CEO:  There is a process.  You can’t just—

SVP of LH&OTE: Take control of everything, drive 500 miles, buy a diamond ring and clean up your mess?

CEO: (stands, and slams hands on table) When are you going to stop playing the Engagement Card?!

SVP of LH&OTE:  (stands and crosses arms) I don’t know.  When are you going to apologize to everyone for law school?

CEO: THAT MADE SENSE AT THE TIME! (takes deep breath) And it still might work out…

SVP of LH&OTE:  It might.  And I hope that it does.

SVP of DE&GH: Can I go…?

CEO: Yes.  Both of you.  Get out.  And no Pilates for at least a week.

SVP of LH&OTE:  Of course not.  Tonight is a combination of kick-boxing and yoga (winks).

SVP of DE&GH: How do you get him to do these things?!

CEO: Dammit.