Saturday Morning Diet Report

CEO: When I left work last night you told me one beer. 

VP of Impulse Control: Yes.

CEO: One.  Now, at the time I knew that was unrealistic.  I knew we would end up in a two to four beer situation.

VP of IC:  I really thought we could keep it to one beer.

CEO: (sighs) I admire your optimism.  Walk me through what happened.

VP of IC: We left the house firmly behind the one beer principle.

CEO: Hang on. (skims report on his desk) it says here he had a beer with dinner, before leaving the house.

VP of IC: That was offered to him by a house guest, who brought the beer to a dinner party.  Social convention dictates he had to drink that beer.

CEO: ...ok.

VP of IC: So we get to the baseball game, order a beer and sit down.  Everything is fine, until this beer pusher comes up and forces another beer into our hands!

CEO: (still reading from the report) it says here she asked if you "wanted another one of those"

VP of IC: (Nodding) Yeah.  All pushy...and, and ready to get us more beer. 

CEO: Alright.  A few beers doesn't add up to all these extra calories.

VP of IC: I also approved a request from the 11th floor.

CEO: You approved a request from the Portion of Tim's Brain that is Still Eleven Years Old?!  At a baseball game?!

VP of IC: There was ice cream.

CEO: Good god.  How much?  

VP of IC: We ordered one cone for us, and one for The Wife.  But when we got back to our seat, she didn't want hers, so we had to eat both.

CEO: Define "had to."

VP of IC: We can't throw away ice cream.  I'm fairly certain the corporate bylaws don't allow it.

CEO: How large were the ice cream cones?

VP of IC: Massive, sir.

CEO: Of course. Well, we can try and make it up with spinach smoothies and exercise on Saturday and Sunday.

VP of IC: I don't think so, sir.

CEO: Why not?

VP of IC: There is a wedding on the schedule tonight.  Preliminary reports indicate there will be cake and an open bar.  I won't be able to-

CEO: Get out.

 For the Pinterest folks.

For the Pinterest folks.