VP of Delusions of Grandeur: Hi. I’d like to make a daydream request.
Doug from Subconscious Transmissions: What is it?
VP of DG: Massively wealthy and moderately famous.
Doug from ST: For when?
VP of DG: Today.
Doug from ST: Can't do it. Sorry.
VP of DG: The schedule is full already?
Doug from ST: Oh yeah. I’ve gotta get through weight-loss and a more active lifestyle, buying a first house, saving the neighbors next door from a fire, and what to do for the first wedding anniversary.
VP of DG: Damn. What about during the dog walk?
Doug from ST: Dog walks are a shot in the dark. He can see the sky which is never good if you’re looking for an opening. He’ll be thinking about flying and then being Superman, which will take him down a rabbit hole of superheroes generally. He’ll probably replay Iron Man 3 in his head for a while, and then we’re off to the races: remembering The Avengers, dreaming about The Avengers 2, sexual fantasies about Black Widow and Pepper Potts. It’s a mess.
VP of DG: Wow.
Doug from ST: Plus, taking care of the dog makes him think of fatherhood.
VP of DG: He actually equates owning a dog to being a parent?
Doug from ST: On some level, yeah.
VP of DG: Why?
Doug from ST: He’s a moron.
VP of DG: (Nodding) Sure. What about bowel movements?
Doug from ST: Ah, the tried and true number two. Used to be an easy get, but ever since the iPhone…
VP of DG: (sighs) Right. What about the 10 seconds right before he falls asleep?
Doug from ST: I can try. Happy to run it up the ladder for ya. But, with daydreams from your department mixed with drowsiness, sometimes we get a hiccup and he snaps into panic mode. Starts thinking about all the stuff he would have to actually do to achieve the delusion.
VP of DG: That sounds awful.
Doug from ST: It is. With something from your department, I can have it on standby for when he sees a nice car next time he’s driving.
VP of DG: And that works?
Doug from ST: Sure. He see’s the car, imagines himself in the car, wearing a nice suit, parking the car at a mansion, but before he can think about actually earning the money to get any of those things, he’s gotta change lanes or exit the interstate. Easy. Or sometimes you luck out with a Powerball billboard and shift into a lottery fantasy.
VP of DG: That would be perfect.
Doug from ST: Great. I’ll keep you posted. Should probably be done in a couple of days. A week at the most.
VP of DG: Thanks.