Saturday Morning Diet Report (2)

CEO:  Good morning.  Thanks for coming in. 

SVP of Diet, Exercise, & General Health: Not a problem.  I’m always here on Saturdays.  It’s easier to get him to exercise.

CEO:  He works from home, couldn’t he workout at any time?

SVP of DE&GH: (holds up hands) Don’t even get me started.

CEO: Fair enough.  I invited you here to discuss the weight-loss plateau.

SVP of DE&GH: I assumed that was it.

CEO:  What’s going on?

SVP of DE&GH: Although we’ve seen only minimal to moderate success, Impulse Control likes to celebrate each minor victory.

CEO:  And they celebrate with?

SVP of DE&GH: Ice cream and beer.

CEO:  Of course they do.

SVP of DE&GH: So while we continue to meet goals during meals, the window between 9 p.m. and bed is…fraught with peril.

CEO:  Well put.  Is there a way to trick him into dieting more? 

SVP of DE&GH: Sir?

CEO:  Make him think he hasn’t lost any weight.  Get him back into Super Weight Loss Mode.

SVP of DE&GH: He has a bathroom scale, and even if we could pull it off, the other departments wouldn’t like it.  The guys in Pessimism & Worst Case Scenarios would run a shame spiral operation and claim weight loss was futile.  He'd wind up at Taco Bell. We’d lose a lot of ground. 

CEO:  What about the guys on floors 6 to 12?  Is there a latent desire to run and play we can tap into?

SVP of DE&GH: (laughs) You want me to get him to frolic?

CEO:  Is that an option?

SVP of DE&GH: Sure, for about 90 seconds.

CEO:  What happens after 90 seconds?

SVP of DE&GH: When he runs at full speed?

CEO:  Yeah.

SVP of DE&GH: He vomits on himself.

CEO:  Dear lord.  He’s in his twenties!

SVP of DE&GH: (sighs) With all due respect, I am aware. And I am working on the situation. 

CEO: What are the biggest problems we can tackle?  Right now.

SVP of DE&GH: Infantile sugar cravings.

CEO: Ok.

SVP of DE&GH: And exercise.

CEO:  Alright. Dial up the workouts with the wife.  I’ll talk to Impulse Control and see if we can’t use portion control to make an end-run around the Oreos.

SVP of DE&GH: Sounds good (gets up to leave).

CEO: And one more thing.

SVP of DE&GH: Sir?

CEO: I’m lifting the dance-workout ban.

SVP of DE&GH: (stunned) Sir…did you just authorize Zumba?

CEO: You heard me.

SVP of DE&GH: Yes sir.