CEO: Good morning. Thanks for coming in.
SVP of Diet, Exercise, & General Health: Not a problem. I’m always here on Saturdays. It’s easier to get him to exercise.
CEO: He works from home, couldn’t he workout at any time?
SVP of DE&GH: (holds up hands) Don’t even get me started.
CEO: Fair enough. I invited you here to discuss the weight-loss plateau.
SVP of DE&GH: I assumed that was it.
CEO: What’s going on?
SVP of DE&GH: Although we’ve seen only minimal to moderate success, Impulse Control likes to celebrate each minor victory.
CEO: And they celebrate with?
SVP of DE&GH: Ice cream and beer.
CEO: Of course they do.
SVP of DE&GH: So while we continue to meet goals during meals, the window between 9 p.m. and bed is…fraught with peril.
CEO: Well put. Is there a way to trick him into dieting more?
SVP of DE&GH: Sir?
CEO: Make him think he hasn’t lost any weight. Get him back into Super Weight Loss Mode.
SVP of DE&GH: He has a bathroom scale, and even if we could pull it off, the other departments wouldn’t like it. The guys in Pessimism & Worst Case Scenarios would run a shame spiral operation and claim weight loss was futile. He'd wind up at Taco Bell. We’d lose a lot of ground.
CEO: What about the guys on floors 6 to 12? Is there a latent desire to run and play we can tap into?
SVP of DE&GH: (laughs) You want me to get him to frolic?
CEO: Is that an option?
SVP of DE&GH: Sure, for about 90 seconds.
CEO: What happens after 90 seconds?
SVP of DE&GH: When he runs at full speed?
SVP of DE&GH: He vomits on himself.
CEO: Dear lord. He’s in his twenties!
SVP of DE&GH: (sighs) With all due respect, I am aware. And I am working on the situation.
CEO: What are the biggest problems we can tackle? Right now.
SVP of DE&GH: Infantile sugar cravings.
SVP of DE&GH: And exercise.
CEO: Alright. Dial up the workouts with the wife. I’ll talk to Impulse Control and see if we can’t use portion control to make an end-run around the Oreos.
SVP of DE&GH: Sounds good (gets up to leave).
CEO: And one more thing.
SVP of DE&GH: Sir?
CEO: I’m lifting the dance-workout ban.
SVP of DE&GH: (stunned) Sir…did you just authorize Zumba?
CEO: You heard me.
SVP of DE&GH: Yes sir.