Streamlining Information Workflows; Spring Cleaning

 (Knock at the door)

Senior Vice President of Memories & Flashbacks: What do you need? 

Assistant: I've got some files that I flagged to clear up some space.  You mind if I run them by you? 

SVP of M&F: Hit me. 

Assistant:  Keep in mind, you HAVE to delete some of these. 

SVP of M&F: Are you implying I save unnecessary things?

Assistant: No.  I am sure that season of The Bachelorette is really critical.

SVP of M&F: Hey.  Those were lovely evenings with the mother-in-law.  There were margaritas.  And bonding.  Plus he picked JP to win the whole thing in Week 2.  That was borderline clairvoyant.

Assistant: (stares)

SVP of M&F: Go ahead.  Try me.

Assistant: Quadratic equations?

SVP of M&F: Pitch it. Done.

Assistant: Parts of the cell?

SVP of M&F: Keep. File under Random Facts You Don’t Need but For Some Reason Can’t Forget. 

Assistant: What? Whyyyyy?

SVP of M&F: Because the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and Ms. Frizzle shall never be forsaken.

Assistant: …ok… Every line of Ocean’s 11?

SVP of M&F: Keep it.

Assistant: Come on.

SVP of M&F: We’ve never been to Vegas.  Without that movie on file he would quote The Hangover the ENTIRE time. 

Assistant: Fine. Working knowledge of Emma Stone’s upcoming movies?

SVP of M&F: Keep.

Assistant: Lyrics to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack?

SVP of M&F: Not a chance.

Assistant: Dog poop sighting from this morning?

SVP of M&F: Delete it.  Boom.  Trimming the fat.

Assistant: Yeah, you’re merciless. (hits delete key, computer BEEPS) It won’t let me delete.  There’s a hold from another department, uh, Spousal Management & Marital Bliss. Huh. (grabs phone, calls SM&MB) Hello?  This is Memories & Flashbacks.  I have a file I can’t delete.  There’s a hold from your department.  Must be a mistake.  It’s a mental image of how much the dog pooped this morning. 

Paul in Spousal Management & Marital Bliss: Yeah, you gotta keep that.

Assistant: (sighs) For the love of all things pure. Why?

Paul: The dog threw up last night.

Assistant: So?

Paul: So The Wife is going to ask whether or not the dog pooped. 

Assistant: Can’t I just condense this to a yes or no file?

Paul: No.  There will probably be some follow-up questions as to texture and color.

Assistant: You’re messing with me.

Paul: I wish I were. 

Assistant: I’m supposed to be clearing space up here!

Paul: Can’t help ya.

Assistant: Fine.  (hangs up, to SVP) We have to keep it.  

SVP of M&F: That doesn’t count.

Assistant: Agreed.  Let’s see…rewritten versions of the Matrix sequels?  Bear in mind these exist only in his head and were created to give a sense of coherence and depth to the trilogy.

SVP of M&F: Keep ‘em. 

Assistant: Really?

SVP of M&F: Yes.  File under Long Stories to Tell Strangers at Parties When You’ve Had Two or More Drinks.

Assistant: Rewritten versions of the Pirates of the Caribbean Sequels?

SVP of M&F: Same.

Assistant: What about the vague desire to actually watch the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie?

SVP of M&F: Delete.

Assistant: Technical specifications of all recently released Apple products?

SVP of M&F: Crap.  Budget & Finance wants them deleted to reduce “gadget lust” but Impulse Control wants them on hand…what do you think?

Assistant: Justification & White Lies said they’d need the specs to file their report in the event of a purchase.

SVP of M&F: That makes sense.  Keep ‘em.

Assistant: Sibling wedding anniversary dates?

SVP of M&F: The Wife has those memorized.  Delete.

Assistant: Muppet Babies?

SVP of M&F: Specific episodes or the theme song?

Assistant: Episodes.

SVP of M&F: Keep.

Assistant: (hopefully) Theme song?

SVP of M&F: (thinks) Keep.

Assistant: (sighs)