CEO: Come in. Hmmmm. I'm sorry I don't have an agenda for this meeting.
Senior Vice President of Impulse Control: I want on the committee.
CEO: (stares) Lower your voice. Close the door.
(The SVP closes the door, sits)
SVP of IC: I want on the committee.
CEO: And you thought walking in here and demanding it was the solid choice.
SVP of IC: I didn't really think about it.
CEO: Of course not. How do you even know about the committee?
SVP of IC: Everyone knows you fired the head of "Life Starts After the Next Milestone"
CEO: That's true, but that-
SVP of IC: And that you mentioned Fatherhood in the meeting.
CEO: I was, a little worked up, that's all.
SVP of IC: Sure.
CEO: I was speaking in generalizations. About the future of the company.
SVP of IC: (Nods) I hear ya.
(They stare at each other for a moment)
SVP of IC: I want on the committee.
CEO: (sighs) You understand it's just an exploratory committee. We are looking for Fatherhood candidates.
SVP of IC: I heard that. I also heard that the committee is toying with the idea of not having any one person head the Fatherhood department. That you're thinking about running the department by committee.
CEO: Who talked?!
SVP of IC: It's a small company.
CEO: It was Delusions of Grandeur wasn't it?
SVP of IC: Of course it was. Who do you think got him drunk?
CEO: You are walking a dangerous tight rope right now.
SVP of IC: Understood. I want on the committee.
CEO: Delusions of Grandeur is on the committee to give the kid some ambition.
SVP of IC: Right.
CEO: Love & Hope and General Health are on board for what I assume are obvious reasons.
SVP of IC: I understand.
CEO: Left and Right Hand Ops are on the committ-
SVP of IC: You let those clowns on the committee?
CEO: Someone has to hold the baby.
SVP of IC: Wow. There's a vote of confidence.
CEO: Alright. Pitch me.
SVP of IC: You want a pitch? I have a pretty distinguished body of work.
CEO: You afraid you can't sell me?
SVP of IC: No, I can. I just feel like Robert Downey Jr. being asked to audition, it's insulting.
CEO: Excellent. Now show me some zazzle. Give me a reason.
SVP of IC: Parenting is difficult.
CEO: (whistles) Solid start.
SVP of IC: (takes a deep breath) Every now and then you need to let one through. You need to let the kid play sick and catch an afternoon movie. You need to literally drop what you're doing and wrestle on the floor. You gotta be able to focus on absolutely nothing that an adult would consider important, and in doing so focus on everything that's capital "I" Important to the kid. You gotta lose sight of crap that passes itself off as serious to catch a glimpse of the joy that kids possess. You gotta really listen, and try not to tell the kid that what they're going through is a phase. Life's a phase. You gotta let go. Just a little. Just sometimes. There's all kinds of worrying and protecting that needs to happen. There are moments where a kid will need to be disciplined and lectured and told that they've acted in a mean or hurtful way. There are moments where the kid will need a life boat, someone to pull them out of the trouble they're neck deep in. And other guys on the committee can handle those things. But there will come a time when all the kid needs is a parent that says screw it and serves ice cream for breakfast. And that's me. That's my wheelhouse.
(The SVP stands)
SVP of IC: I can do it. I can help.
SVP of IC: Yeah?
CEO: Yeah. I'll send you what you need to get started.
SVP of IC: Which part convinced you? The ice cream? It was the ice cream wasn't it.
CEO: Get out.