Corporate Strategy Session; New Laptop Acquisition

Senior VP of Justification and White Lies: If this is about those three bottles of wine, we had houseguests. He was just matching that salesman glass for glass.

CEO: Three bottles?! (takes deep breath) Forget it. I didn't call you hear for a diet report.

SVP of J & WL: (grins) Oh really…

CEO: Don't get cute. You don't know why you're here.

SVP of J & WL: I don't know exactly why I'm here. But if it's not the diet, I'm guessing it means you need me.

CEO: You are a valuable part of our team and I have an assignment for you.

SVP of J & WL: Thrilled to be asked.

CEO: Ordered.

SVP of J & WL: (Shrugs)

CEO: I need to you to create an environment that is amenable to the suggestion of purchasing a new computer.

SVP of J & WL: You want me to con The Wife into buying a Macbook Air?

CEO: More or less. But I want it done quietly.

SVP of J & WL: I don't understand.

CEO: We could probably justify the purchase through direct argument.

SVP of J & WL: Probably? Have you seen that thing? It's so fast. And shiny…

CEO: Yes, but I want to create a situation where she wants to say yes. Not one where we have to do a lot of convincing

SVP of J & WL: (nods) No, I hear ya. You're over-thinking it. You just want a straight-up mood boost.

CEO: A mood boost? It's that simple?

SVP of J & WL: Sure. The Wife likes it when he's happy, things with glowing Apples on them make him happy. She wants to say yes. You just have to grease the skids a bit.

CEO: And how would you do that?

SVP of J & WL: Shotgun approach. I'd need access to several departments. What's on the docket for chores today?

CEO: Dishes.

SVP of J & WL: No good. He always does the dishes…

CEO: There's a possibility for dusting.

SVP of J & WL: Now you're talking. You see you dust like normal, but then, you leave the duster out on the bookshelf. The Wife walks in and sees the duster and thinks "oooooh. he dusted. that's sweet."

CEO: That is wildly transparent.

SVP of J & WL: Which she would catch if she weren't busy drinking her favorite wine.

CEO: He asks her if she wants wine with dinner most nights.

SVP of J & WL: No asking. Pouring. Wine in hand. Thinking about the thoughtfulness of the dusting. And then: the newly groomed dog runs out with one of those adorable bandanas around its neck that they get at the grooming place.

CEO: Ok. That's a bit -

SVP of J & WL: You want a laptop or not?

CEO: Yes.

SVP of J & WL: So she sits down to her steak dinner, with her wine, petting her adorably groomed puppy, thinking about how nice it is that her husband dusted, when she asks about his day. And he says it was ok. She presses. Just ok? She asks. It was fine, he says, my computer is just getting slow, and the trackpad is acting up, it was just frustrating. And then we wait.

CEO: For what?

SVP of J & WL: For The Wife to suggest that we get a new laptop.

CEO: Are you serious?

SVP of J & WL: Yep.

CEO: Get out.

SVP of J & WL: Nope.

CEO: (Raises his eyebrows) It. Won't. Work.

SVP of J & WL: You remember when we wanted a new tv?

CEO: Yes. We didn't get one.

SVP of J & WL: Ah, we didn't get one yet. But when we looked at tvs, and were hoping for at least a 42 inch screen, what happened.

CEO: (thinks) We just stood there. In front of the tvs, and waited.

SVP of J & WL: That's right.

CEO: (he realizes) And then The Wife said… "If we're going to upgrade, at least a 55 inch don't you think?"

SVP of J & WL: (snaps his fingers) She suggested the bigger tv. She was holding a Culver's shake in freshly manicured nails. And she suggested the bigger tv.

CEO: Alright. Dust the house. Buy the wine. Let's get to it.

SVP of J & WL: You know we could just leave the duster out, she probably wouldn't notic--

CEO: (glares) Dust the house.

SVP of J & WL: Right. Sorry.

CEO: Apology accepted. Get out.