Pre-Committee; Budgetary Concerns & Family Expansion

 (The SVP of Budget & Finance enters the conference room.  The CEO and SVP of Spousal Monitoring and Marital Bliss are already seated)

SVP of Budget & Finance: (raises his eyebrows): Is this…?

CEO: No.

SVP of Budget & Finance: Because it looks like--

SVP of Spousal Monitoring & Marital Bliss: It's not. 

SVP of Budget & Finance: It's just that, there's these rumors… 

CEO: Sure.

SVP of Budget & Finance: About a secret committee...

SVP of Spousal Monitoring & Marital Bliss: This is a different committee.

CEO: Think of it as a "pre-committee"

SVP of Budget & Finance: So…we're thinking about it?

CEO: We're thinking about thinking about it.

SVP of Budget & Finance: Ok.  

CEO: I want to be clear.

SVP of Budget & Finance: I hear ya.

CEO: If The Wife's friends think we've moved from thinking about thinking about it, into actually thinking about it, there will be some sort of estrogen explosion. 

SVP of Budget & Finance: Understood. 

SVP of Spousal Monitoring & Marital Bliss: Advice and commentary will rain down upon The Wife and her Facebook page like a Biblical plague.

SVP of Budget & Finance: Got it…So are we?

CEO: What?

SVP of Budget & Finance: Thinking about it?

CEO and SVP of Spousal Monitoring & Marital Bliss (together): No.

CEO: We are thinking about…thinking about it.  That is all. 

SVP of Budget & Finance: Ok. I'm guessing we want a house?

SVP of Spousal Monitoring & Marital Bliss: Yes.  

SVP of Budget & Finance: Are we thinking about buying a house?

CEO: We're thinking about thinking about buying a house.

SVP of Budget & Finance: (sighs) I'm so glad you made me part of this discussion.

CEO: You're welcome.

SVP of Budget & Finance: He's gonna need a job.

CEO: Hmmm. What if we skip the house and just crank out a kid?

SVP of Spousal Monitoring & Marital Bliss: Never say the phrase "crank out a kid" in front of The Wife.

CEO: Noted. But can we skip the house?

SVP of Budget & Finance: He's gonna need a job either way.  Rugrats are expensive.

CEO: Can we say Rugrats?

SVP of Spousal Monitoring & Marital Bliss: Yes.  The Wife likes the cartoon.

CEO: How expensive?

SVP of Budget & Finance: There is no number, you just save as much as humanly possible.

CEO: Done.

SVP of Budget & Finance: As much as humanly possible means he has to get a job.

CEO: Damn. You're sure?

SVP of Budget & Finance: Yes.

CEO: Fine.

SVP of Budget & Finance: And I'm gonna need a raise.

CEO: What?

SVP of Budget & Finance: Baby budgeting ain't easy.  Or cheap.  You're adding a completely new division of expenditures to the company.  Rent and mortgage are similar enough that it's an easy transition.  Adding a kid though…you're changing the game.  Change means extra work. 

CEO: How much?

SVP of Budget & Finance: Ten percent.  Fifteen if we go for two.  

CEO: You're getting ahead of yourself.

SVP of Budget & Finance: I plan ahead.  That's my job. 

CEO: (pauses) Fair enough.  Five now; another five if we move forward.

SVP of Budget & Finance: Done.  Now, when are you going to add me to the Fatherhood Committee?

CEO:  When there is a Fatherhood Committee.  Get out.