CEO: What's this about?
SVP of Budget & Finance: Couple of big items I need you to sign off on. The Wife wants her car fixed.
CEO: We're sure the car is broken?
SVP of Budget & Finance: The Wife said something was wrong with the car.
CEO: The Wife also swears squirrel's tails are less fluffy than they used to be.
SVP of Budget & Finance: We checked the car, it needs to go to the shop.
CEO: "We checked the car" what does that mean?
SVP of Budget & Finance: We got in it, and there's a blinking light on the dashboard. Looks serious.
CEO: Did you pop the hood?
SVP of Budget & Finance: To do what?
CEO: …fair point. Sure. Get it fixed. What else?
SVP of Budget & Finance: We need to move some money around to fund the reopening of Job Security & Sedentary Office Work.
CEO: Right. Do we have a department head?
SVP of Budget & Finance: We do. Same guy as before, he was moved into my department when we shut Office Work down. He's been running credit management and retirement planning, but he says he's ready to re-take the reins.
CEO: He's sure? Some of the other departments aren't going to like this.
SVP of Budget & Finance: Actually we only have three grievances.
SVP of Budget & Finance: Delusions of Grandeur is excited to have more money. And a title. He likes titles.
SVP of Budget & Finance: Subconscious Transmissions is with us. They have a backlog of daydream requests they can burn through in less than a day of office work.
SVP of Budget & Finance: Spousal Monitoring is on board. The job sets up buying a house, having a baby, adulthood generally.
CEO: Excellent. What about the grievances?
SVP of Budget & Finance: Keep in mind I'm not including the grievances from floors 1 through 13 as they remain steadfastly anti-employment.
CEO: Fine. The other three?
SVP of Budget & Finance: Right and Left-Hand Operations are against it. Lots of typing. They worry about carpal tunnel.
CEO: Who told them about carpal tunnel?
SVP of Budget & Finance: Pessimism & Worst Case Scenarios.
CEO: Great. What else?
SVP of Budget & Finance: Diet & Exercise is worried the morning mile walk with the dog, currently the only steady exercise he gets, will go out the window with an office job to get to in the morning.
CEO: How do we fix that?
SVP of Budget & Finance: He has to get up at 6:00 am. Everyday.
CEO: Any realistic options?
SVP of Budget & Finance: No.
CEO: Damn. What else?
SVP of Budget & Finance: Our biggest problem is going to be Impulse Control.
CEO: He's handled office work before.
SVP of Budget & Finance: True, but since we've been at home, a lot of standard security measures have been relaxed.
CEO: For instance…?
SVP of Budget & Finance: While working from home if he gets warm or uncomfortable he just takes off his pants.
CEO: You think we're going to have trouble remembering to keep our pants on?
SVP of Budget & Finance: (Shrugs) Reflexes and Bodily Responses have been very supportive of the pants-less work environment. Less ass sweat. Increased mobility. I even signed off on it. It helps keep the air conditioning bill down.
CEO: We're about to embark on a fairly substantive lifestyle change, bringing in more money, getting back to work, and saving for a house; and you're telling me my biggest issues are that someone explained carpal tunnel syndrome to the guys in Hand Operations, and that we have developed a reflex of removing our pants whenever the mood strikes?
SVP of Budget & Finance: Yes. And the dog walking thing.
CEO: It's good to know the department heads are prioritizing.
SVP of Budget & Finance: Quite.
CEO: Get out.