FROM THE DESK OF THE SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF OPERATIONS AND LOGISTICS
To: All Employees
From: Senior Vice President of Operations and Logistics
Re: Problem Solving; Workplace Safety
It has come to the attention of this office that several staffers have had difficulty prioritizing tasks when faced with a crying Twin. It is important to remember that a crying Twin is not a time bomb. If one of them cries for more than 30 seconds there is no catastrophic result. With that in mind I would like to review some basic principles to avoid further frustration and injury.
First and foremost: when The Twins are safely in their cribs and begin to cry, complete the task you are doing, or at the very least come to a safe stopping point before the crying is addressed. For example, if a staffer undertakes a complex cooking task, such as "boiling water" and is interrupted by crying, their choice to drop everything and run to the baby will definitely be seen as tenderhearted. However, depending on the state of the burner and proximity to towels, it will also be seen as a solid way to burn this company's headquarters to the ground.
Additionally: light switches are your friend. On multiple occasions the Chief of the Fatherhood Division has awoke in the wee hours of the morning and attempted to navigate his way to the kitchen without turning on a single light, with calamitous results. The vague rationale given for these nocturnal antics, was "there was no time for lights." While I generally give staffers the chance to find their own methods of problem solving, in the wake of several toe contusions, an injured dog tail, and a not insignificant dent in the hallway wall, I find myself forced to mandate the use of "lights" to overcome "darkness."
I hope these little reminders will help us keep our workplace safe and happy.
SVP of Logistics and Operations