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TWINCORPORATED

Tim's Subconscious
Nebraska
(555) 555-5555
Safeguarding the health and general welfare of two infants with little to no experience

TWINCORPORATED

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Staffers Wanted; Apply Today!

January 20, 2016 Timothy Malm
Twincorporated parent qualifications.jpg
Name *
Name
Diapering Ability *
How fast can you change two wet & poopy diapers, provided there are no additional complications?
Communication
A fellow staffer notices a small scratch above one of The Twins' eyes. When questioned about the origin of the scratch you say:
Situational Response *
One of The Twins wakes up crying at 4:30 AM. As you warm a bottle, what beverage do you pour yourself?
Rate Your Baby Abilities AKA "Babilities" *
Rate Your Baby Abilities AKA "Babilities"
Please read the following statements and select how strongly you agree or disagree.
I am a competent baby rocker/soother.
I can feed a baby while rocking another baby gently with my foot.
To be a functional human being I will sleep when I can, where I can; including on the floor between two sleeping babies.
Regurgitated breast milk on my clothes and hands is an acceptable part of daily life.
The difference between a "hungry cry" and a "sleepy cry" is obvious and straightforward.
What was your major in college? How do you plan to explain that education is important to The Twins while you pursue a career completely unrelated to that major?
Please describe any past life experiences, such as caring for plants, small animals, or babysitting, that you tragically think has prepared you for this job.
It is 3:00 AM. You have just gotten both of The Twins to sleep when another staffer makes a noise that wakes both of them. Explain in detail the bleary-eyed diatribe you will launch into criticizing the carelessness of your fellow staffer.
The same situation as above, but now the roles are reversed. Please explain in hostile detail how your fellow staffer is being accusatory and over-sensitive while justifying the ridiculous noise you just made as a commonplace occurrence.
Please describe a time when two small people, with human feces on their hands, grabbed your hands and arms, in a borderline aggressive manner; how you dealt with the situation; and how you turned it into a positive outcome.
Thank you!
In Archive
← Memo: Premature and/or Excessive CelebrationQuestionable Practices; Clothing Complaints →

© Timothy J. Malm 2015-2016; lovingly edited & Tolerated by Kasey malm