FROM THE DESK OF THE SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF OPERATIONS AND LOGISTICS
To: All Staff
From: Senior Vice President of Operations and Logistics
Re: Employee Awards
Thank you all for your continued work. While we are always on the lookout for areas in which to improve, it is important to stop and celebrate our successes. So without further ado, please join me in congratulating the following staffers for their incredible work.
For successfully scrubbing human feces out of cotton fabric for the 19th time, The Chief of Motherhood is awarded a 20 minute nap that will tragically be cut to 10 minutes when Girl Twin tries to roll on to her tummy and gets her arm stuck underneath her.
For reaching the questionably auspicious milestone of his 1,000th diaper change, The Chief of Fatherhood is awarded an uninterrupted* episode of The Americans.
For almost, but not quite, holding their bottle during feedings, The Twins will continue to be dressed, bathed, fed, and have their every whim catered to.
For her ability to tolerate The Chief of Fatherhood even when he is highly caffeinated, The Chief of Motherhood is awarded the finest wine and Oreos in all the land.
If you see any of these staffers in the hallways, be sure to congratulate them. And don't forget next Friday is a jeans day, so if you click the logo below and donate $10 to FoodBank for the Heartland, go ahead and wear jeans to work.
All the best,
SVP of Operations and Logistics.
*Any amount of interruptions at an interval of less than one every ten minutes shall qualify as uninterrupted. Any disturbance that does not require a diaper change will not considered an interruption.