Welcome to the Twincorporated Kitchen
A few housekeeping items:
- If you’re the first one here in the morning, please make coffee.
- Remember to wash your coffee mugs.
- For the love of all things pure, don’t burn popcorn in the microwave. It drives several employees crazy. I don’t want to see passive aggressive notes about shared responsibility taped to the microwave again.
An average day requires ten (10) bottles, five for each Twin. That is a minimum. Should The Twins wake up early or go to bed late, there is a strong likelihood a sixth bottle, or “chaser,” will be needed.
Bottles should ALWAYS be prepped ahead of time. "Making bottles real quick," is not a thing. Both of The Twins will be in a fit of hunger induced rage while you try to pour the exact right amount of breast milk into a bottle. And if you spill breast milk...may God have mercy on your soul.
Generally speaking there are two bottles in the refrigerator in the morning, which means eight bottles will need to be cleaned and prepped for the day. What follows is a pictorial guide on bottle washing best practices.
This is the bottle station.
As you can see these are fancy bottles, with lots of parts. When washing the multitude of plastic tid bits do not roll your eyes, do not sigh, and do not wonder aloud why the bottles are so complicated. It was decided at the company’s inception that we would be a Dr. Brown’s bottle company, and we aren’t going to go buy a whole new line of bottles five months in, so get over it.
Bottle parts must be washed in a baby basket. If the parts you need won’t fit in a basket, wash them by hand. Not prepping bottles because "the parts weren’t clean," is grounds for termination.
To fit four bottle sets into the basket you must first put the lids in. They need to go in first so they don’t flip over in the washer and fill with water.
Collars go on top of the lids.
Blue tubes are stacked to the side.
Vacuum seal bottle tops and nipples go in the "nip cage" on top of the basket.
And now you have a complete “four-banger” of bottle parts ready to go.
Follow these instructions, and come meal-time you will be ready to go.
Fail to prep bottles properly and you will find yourself yelling at inanimate objects for "not going together fast enough," demanding that hungry infants "be patient," and cursing yourself for "starving your babies," whilst you weep into the kitchen sink.